How Do We Tap into the Best Conversations that People Could Have?

You talked about things that are on everybody’s aspirational list for a great company. So the question is, “How do we lead to that?” How do we help leaders understand that that state of being is hard-wired into every human being?

Judith E. Glaser

Welcome to our interview with Judith E. Glaser. Judith is the author of numerous books and the CEO of Benchmark Communications, Inc., and Chairman of The CreatingWE Institute. Her most recent book is Conversational Intelligence: How Great Leaders Build Trust & Get Extraordinary Results.

Welcome Judith, and thank you for contributing to the questions that are at the heart of Container13.

How can we create workplaces where more voices matter, people thrive & find meaning, and change & innovation happen naturally?

That’s a big menu of the most aspirational things that people could want in a company and a company culture. Human beings have such a need to be heard and listened to and to be able to do things that are innovative even if they’re making mistakes, but they want to be able to have that option and everybody working and learning from that.

Human beings have such a need to be heard and listened to and to be able to do things that are innovative even if they're making mistakes.Click To Tweet


You talked about things that are on everybody’s aspirational list for a great company. So the question is, “How do we lead to that?” How do we help leaders understand that that state of being is hard-wired into every human being?

When we say some people are more creative than others and that’s why we have to bring out more creativity for them than other people. I’ve worked with accounting firms, which have become now very big consulting firms. They are not just doing accounting, but they’re in the world of transformation now. From the very beginning, I remember doing some assessments with some of the people in the room and when they didn’t get high scores using these assessments on things like innovation, they said you can’t ask us to be that way.

This is a time where we have to crack open a new model, a new algorithm in our heads and in our hearts about what it means to have to have the kind of environments you're talking about through your questions.Click To Tweet


We have so many misunderstandings between what human beings thrive with and strive for versus how we label people to appreciate or not appreciate certain environments. This is a time where we have to crack open a new model, a new algorithm in our heads and in our hearts about what it means to have to have the kind of environments you’re talking about through your questions. Every human being thrives in them whether you’re an accountant or see yourself more as analytical. That doesn’t stop you from appreciating and being excited by participating in things that are very innovative.

I think we’re now at a time where we need to step back and take some of the judgments and labels out and imagine creating those environments for everybody and for everybody’s health and for everybody’s growth. The last thing I’ll say is that people that live in healthy environments live longer, have less illnesses that come up and knock on their door every other day, so I think this topic is worthy of more conversation.

What does it take to get an employee’s full attention and best performance?

When people join an organization, they do so because they think that the organization is going to help them find a new role or new identity in the world. They move into a company and either they become like that company or they become a better contributor.

But I think sometimes leaders don’t think about it that way. They don’t go the full run of what their employees want. They want to bring in new employees to help with certain things, certain projects and so forth. Every time a new employee joins a company, there’s a huge shift in what their identity is going to be. They will either come out of this company feeling validated and honored for what they can bring or they’re going to come out feeling, “Ok, we were just another person that was put into this particular job because there was a key need there”, but a lot of time companies don’t give them the full breadth of understanding of the culture and being part of it.

The bottom line is when new employees come in, make sure that they get an orientation to what the company is all about and what the projects are all about. Don’t just throw them in and thank them for joining, but really help them get the context of where they fit into the bigger picture of what’s going on. That creates a better employee. That gives them a sense of importance. When people have roles and things that they can do that are clear in their mind, it changes everything.

What do people really lack and long for at work?

What people lack and long for at work is connection with other people. They want to be respected. They want to be appreciated. They want to be seen.

There are a lot of commercials on TV that talk about “see me.” They have different people say, “see me.” That struck me as part of what it is for employees. When people join an organization, they want to be seen and valued.

I think this question and the last one have a lot in common. People like to be appreciated. If you want to have one word, it’s appreciation. But I think it’s more than that for the employee. They not only want to be appreciated, but they want to be part of a winning team. They want to have a role that’s important. They want to be able to share their ideas and engage with people on topics even if it means disagreeing with the boss. I call them “Expressing Conversations” where people can really express what’s on their mind and really add value to an organization—not just become a number in an organization.

What is the most important question management should be asking employees?

How can I help you be successful?

What’s the most important question employees should be asking management?

What else can I learn? Where else can I learn more about the company and what the company is doing, so I represent the company and that I am part of the change and transformation that’s going on.

People don’t want to be left out. They want to get into as many of the right meetings and subgroups that they need to be in, so they can do the best that they can do. It’s engagement at its deepest level, having a role, and having a place to fit in. Then being able to contribute to lots of people.

What is the most important question we can ask ourselves?

How can I tell the truth? What’s on my mind? Is this environment allowing me to do that or do I feel like I have to be pent up and not share things that are really important but maybe different from what the organization is all about?

It's being able to have a voice that is so important. Can I have a voice in this organization?Click To Tweet


It’s being able to have a voice that is so important. Can I have a voice in this organization?

You have a very clear point of view that sounds like it’s “we centric” in nature. Can you tell us more about that?

In all of your questions, you were asking questions that helped us understand how to join an organization and how to get the best out of others. All of that in my mind is moving from an “I” centric perspective to a “We” centric perspective, which is how do we create environments that are healthy for everyone. That’s “We.”

The work that I do has been evolved over 35 years. My company is Benchmark Communication. We’ve been studying individuals, teams and organizations, how they talk to each other, what holds them together, and what are the successful patterns that enable a company to not only survive but thrive. We not only look at the economic shifts but having companies that grow their revenue and value to the world. That’s done when you have the feel in an environment. A feeling that people are embraced and that they’re part of a winning team.

My company and the colleagues that work with me have been studying how do we shift from “I” centric to “We” centric. Out of this work has come a number of books.

The first book was called Creating We: Change I-Thinking to We-Thinking and Build a Healthy, Thriving Organization. The second book is the DNA of Leadership: Leverage Your Instincts To Communicate, Differentiate, Innovate, which talks about how leaders can in fact move (like your questions) from “I” centric to “We” centric and become more sensitive of the impact that they have on their employees and on their companies and clients as well.

The last book, which is my most recent book which has probably had the greatest play of all of them is called Conversational Intelligence: How Great Leaders Build Trust and Have Extraordinary Results. This book is already being translated into 11 languages. People are asking me to speak in different parts of the world as a result of it, and it’s all about what’s the neuroscience behind people moving from “I” to “We”. What’s going on inside of our brains, what’s going on inside of our hearts, so that we learn the difference between the “I” centric world and the “We” centric world. The book is filled with exercises and things that people can do to help a company move from conflicts or silos or other things that might be separating people to coming into an environment where you’re being received, embraced, appreciated and part of this concept of being a winning team.

People are now are asking if I can tell if a company is conversationally intelligent? I actually can because when I go into companies and deconstruct the conversations that people are having throughout the workplace, it can be clear to me. What I share with the CEOs and senior executives I have an opportunity to talk with is that there is not only a difference in the physical field but in the neurochemical field that’s hidden behind in our brains. Once we understand how ripple effects from bad conversations occur and how ripple effects from good conversations occur, people have a choice now to understand what kind of environment they want to create at work.

You can see the bottom line success results in companies that are “We” centric. They really support people being open and transparent with each other. They also focus on relationships before tasks and really stand under the same reality and build visions of shared success. Another characteristic is that they really tell the truth when they’re not on the same page and working to fix it rather than to judge people as stupid or all sorts of other things that are our habit patterns. All of these things are so extraordinary because they not only hit the bottom line, but they hit people’s lives not only in work but outside of work.

In conclusion, that’s what’s behind a lot of the questions that you asked me and a lot of the answers that I gave you is: How do we understand what “conversational intelligence” really is? And how do we learn to build trust inside of companies so that we can tap into the best conversations that people could have with each other?

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